Fall

This time of year makes me want to:

Take my eyeballs out of their sockets
Rub them raw
and
Douse them with visine.

Suction my sinuses with a shop-vac
and
Pinch my nose closed with a chip-clip to
Stop the drip.

Scrape my throat with a back scratcher
and
Provide a steady flow of cold water and advil to
Numb the nagging, itching throat.

And if I can't partake in these extreme measures?
I guess I will just have to survive on a steady diet of claritin, eye drops, and tissues.